I've been meaning to write about this for quite some time and I finally just felt like doing it this evening.

About a year and a half ago, I was kind of forced to move into a house with another single mother. I hadn't ever really been around this girl before and from what I knew of her, we were completely different people. She was a homebody with a big-time temper and I like to be out and about, socializing and I'm a pretty even-keeled person. Well, I moved in and not two weeks later, the house looked like the tazmanian devil had been for a visit. There were dishes piled up in the sink for miles and trash overflowing from the trashcan - most of which was dirty diapers and junkfood wrappers. Well. A. I hadn't been home to eat one single time in those two weeks and B. My then 6-yr old son had been out of diapers for many years and C. I don't eat junk food. There the trouble began. Of course the dishes in the sink were all mine and the trash was all mine too. Nevermind points A, B and C listed above.

Of course it didn't end there. We moved out of that small pit and into a large house a few months later. A true blessing. I woke up every Saturday for the first 3 months to clean the house top to bottom. I ended my slave sessions after realizing that it took T-minus 3 hours and counting for the house to be in shambles again. Within weeks of moving into the house, there was ink on the walls from her 2-yr old. I had to constantly endure her screaming at her kid, stinky diapers, overflowing trash cans, crumbs on the floors, etc... The odd thing was that when living alone, my house had never once looked the way that it did when I lived with this girl. There were many times where clutter was abundant, c'est la vie for a single mom on the go. BUT, the house was always immaculate. I vacuumed, swept and mopped on a regular basis. It's just so easy to blame your own mess and dirt on someone else when you live with people. I wasn't blameless in the mess. I am notorious for leaving papers lying around but other than that, I keep my stuff nice and clean. I just need to work on the organization part a bit! At one point right before I moved out. There was POOP, yes feces, on the toilet seat and all over the floor of the downstairs bathroom along with a pair of soiled toddler underwear. Hm...Wonder who that would have belonged to. I'm sure it was passed off as mine. IF ONLY my butt were that small....

So when I moved back out on my own this past summer, I thought, yeah, we'll see who the messy one was! So I moved into my awesome little house and so far, the trash hasn't overflowed once. When something is left on the counter, I know who it belongs to and I can either tell Styles to come get it, or I deal with it myself. My bathroom is clean. I hate cleaning the bathroom. There, I admit it. But it's just SO much better to keep it nice than it is to have to scrub poop and mildew up off of the floors and walls once every few months. The house remains devoid of fingerprints on walls, doors and windows. The only screaming going on in the house is on television which doesn't stay on 24 hours a day, 7 days a week anymore. The only food in the house is healthy so I'm not tempted by sugary nastiness that used to reside in the pantry. If my food disappears, I know who ate it. Me. The floor is generally supremely clean. Hardwood floors are difficult to keep perfectly spotless but I spot sweet a few times a week, sweep every Saturday and mop every other Saturday and there really isn't any use in doing it more often than that. I don't have to worry about my towels being used on the behinds of people I don't know because they're too lazy to do their own laundry. And if I leave my laundry in my dryer for a week, the only person who complains about it is me when I realize that everything is wrinkled. My man can come and go as he pleases without people standing at the door wondering whether or not we're "doing it". And I'm not subject to violent mood swings, slamming doors, screaming toddlers, 2-yr olds who sounds like elephants when they run on the hardwood floors, smoking, eating on my sofa, and a general dislike for the world around me.

My biggest issue was the fact that every month, I shelled out $250 towards the electric bill ALONE. Oddly enough, in my new house which is only 1/2 the size of the other one, my electric, sewer, AND water have only ever been as much as $149. Crazy.

My house is my haven and I love it here. I love living by myself and I'm so thankful that I'm out of the situation that I was in. Yeah, my rent's been a couple of days late. I haven't paid my electricity bill on time EVERY month but I've not had the power shut off and somehow, someway, I feel so much better about life.

YAY for living alone!

Yoga. Yo Yo Yo Yo Yoooga

A coworker of mine is prego and wants to get some exercise in before she delivers in May. So because I am trying to be a more healthy girl, I am accompanying her to Prenatal Yoga this morning.

A year ago, I wouldn't have even dreamed of going to yoga because I had been brainwashed into thinking that it invites demons in to your body. A largely misunderstood ancient practice that is intended to strengthen your muscles and give you a higher consciousness of your own body was considered a bad thing.

Well Yoga, I welcome you into my life and not for demonic purposes but to make me more healthy, to lengthen and strengthen me. And to make me more aware of my body and its needs.

Don't Just Patch my Wounds, Heal Me.

Within the last year, I've had one of the most difficult years of my life. I'd love to blog about it sometime because I really do need to get some things off of my chest. But my pertinent thoughts are due to an email that someone sent me on Decmeber 11. It was not received until today because I do not often check the email that I used to use to associate myself with a certain group of people. This email simply had an attachment of my goals from 2008 and a note that said, "We're looking at these at XX tonight and I thought you'd want to see yours".

WRONG. I DON'T care to see them. For many reasons of course, one because many of those goals were centered around the organization that I associated myself with. Now that I am not associated with that organization, I don't care about those goals. It was that very organization that rejected me and then suddenly turned a happy face and said, "Come back, we're waiting for you with open arms". Yeah, whatever. Open arms with knives in each hand. My life took a drastic change of direction and pace in July but I am not unhappy with the results. I've backslidden. I've been a rebel. I can't bring myself to do devotions any longer. But I'm no different than the holier than thou people who I used to call "Family". I'm on my knees and I know that I'm not perfect and cannot profess to be anywhere close to perfect. I'm a sinner and I break Biblical laws and principals on a daily basis. But honestly no more now than I did then, just in very different ways.

So no, I don't care to see my goals of 2008, they mean nothing to me especially coming from an institution who left me because I couldn't see how it was "Biblical" to take life-orders from another human being. Don't profess your holiness to me. Don't try to act better than me. Your sin is no heavier than mine and without the pride that I used to carry around my neck, I am so much more free.