Don't Just Patch my Wounds, Heal Me.

Within the last year, I've had one of the most difficult years of my life. I'd love to blog about it sometime because I really do need to get some things off of my chest. But my pertinent thoughts are due to an email that someone sent me on Decmeber 11. It was not received until today because I do not often check the email that I used to use to associate myself with a certain group of people. This email simply had an attachment of my goals from 2008 and a note that said, "We're looking at these at XX tonight and I thought you'd want to see yours".

WRONG. I DON'T care to see them. For many reasons of course, one because many of those goals were centered around the organization that I associated myself with. Now that I am not associated with that organization, I don't care about those goals. It was that very organization that rejected me and then suddenly turned a happy face and said, "Come back, we're waiting for you with open arms". Yeah, whatever. Open arms with knives in each hand. My life took a drastic change of direction and pace in July but I am not unhappy with the results. I've backslidden. I've been a rebel. I can't bring myself to do devotions any longer. But I'm no different than the holier than thou people who I used to call "Family". I'm on my knees and I know that I'm not perfect and cannot profess to be anywhere close to perfect. I'm a sinner and I break Biblical laws and principals on a daily basis. But honestly no more now than I did then, just in very different ways.

So no, I don't care to see my goals of 2008, they mean nothing to me especially coming from an institution who left me because I couldn't see how it was "Biblical" to take life-orders from another human being. Don't profess your holiness to me. Don't try to act better than me. Your sin is no heavier than mine and without the pride that I used to carry around my neck, I am so much more free.