I'm suddenly scared

I just asked Styles if he'd like a soft pretzel for snack and he said, "no but I would like some juice please." As I was getting him his juice I realized that he can talk. Not that I didn't already know that because believe me - my child can TALK. But he told me what he wanted. He can tell me when his stomach hurts. He can relay to me that his ear hurts. He politely tells me that he is hungry, thirsty or bored. He is almost 8 so he has been able to do this for a few years now, I just did not understand the magnitude of this dialogue until just now.

In September, I lose that luxury for a few years. Once Scarlett is born, I'll have to learn do decipher cries, screams and fevers. I'll have to become a sleuth once again. I couldn't help but laugh at how happy I am that Styles is old enough to communicate with me. Despite the fact that I am overjoyed at having another little bambino, I appreciate Styles SO much right now. Not only is he an awesome, awesome child but he is a little conversationalist. I know who he is and he is blossoming right before my eyes. He was an easy baby, an easy toddler and has been a (relatively) easy little boy. Of course I worry about his future often and just hope and pray that I can do a good job by him.

But what really scares me right now is that I don't know who Scarlett is. Is she going to be sleeping through the night at 2 months like Styles? Will she be a good nurser? A crier? Will she be a snotty little brat when she turns 2? Will she be polite and happy-go-lucky? Will she be an early walker? A dancer? Vivid and lively? Smart? Will she learn her primary and secondary colors before she turns 18 months like Styles did? Will she walk at 10 months? I can't help but to wonder at her personality and if she'll be more like me, more like Kyle or just herself. Will she love her big brother and go to him for protection for her whole life? PLUS, she's a GIRL. That is scary in itself. When I see long legged 11-yr olds wearing short-shorts or mini skirts I want to shake them. How am I going to handle those years? Makeup? Oh my GOSH. It's so scary and so much to think about.

I don't know the little girl that is growing inside of me any more than I know the Prime Minister of Great Britain. I know I'll love her from the depths of my heart and I will try to do my very best by her but the mother/daughter dynamic terrifies me. Having a little boy has been so easy and so fun. Even doing it on my own, I was so thankful that I had my little man instead of a little girl to run after because despite his young age, Styles has always been a good little nurturer and a solid, consistent little dude. One vital difference this time is that I have a man who loves me unconditionally and who is excited for the birth of our little girl. He is a helper to us financially, emotionally, and domestically. I don't know what I would do without him.

And how will I let both kids know that I love them equally? I worry that Styles will feel left out now that there will be a baby around commanding my already limited attention. I want him to know that he is my first love and that he has been such a special addition to my life that I don't know where I'd be without him. But how do you tell a 7-yr old that? Or show him? And how do I let Scarlett know, as she gets older, that just because her big brother gets to do more or can express himself better, that we love her the same too?

I think more scared than I've ever been in my life.